The Jeans Struggle pt: 1

When it comes to jeans, I am impossible to shop and fit for. Ever since I donated all of my skinny jeans (I am trying to be conservative with my fashion choices), I just can't seem to find a pair of non-skinny jeans that fits my body type (extremely skinny, tiny waist, no butt, long legs). They are either too big or too small when I only need the pair in between those sizes. When I am surveying looser pairs of jeans, I realize that I can neither size up not down. I need to find a pair that suits my size perfectly which in this realm is just fucking non-existent.

Not to add that I extremely picky when it comes to denim and jeans. Because I am going to pay a shit load of money for a pair of jeans hell, I am going to bloody make sure that it ticks all of the boxes that I want it to tick.

My checklist:

1. Mom/ Boyfriend jeans

2. High-waisted (I love crop tops)

3. Medium wash

4. Possibly, gold buttons

5. Smaller back pockets (make you butt looks bigger)

6. Ankle length

7. Worn-in look

8. Raw hem (if possible or I'll hem them myself)

Told you.  

In conclusion, it looks like I am never going to wear jeans.

But never will I halt my search for the perfect  pair of jeans. Once I find it, you will be the first people to now of that success. Oh, once I find that jeans, it will be glorious. The sky will laugh, the sun will cry and the moon will smile upon all of us.

If I ever find it. Meh..

I'll update you with any further rants on jeans that I will encounter. Which will be soon because I am going jeans-shopping with my boyfriend tomorrow. Oh, he will be pissed all right. And so will I.

ps: The jeans in the picture is a pair of Levi's skinny jeans that I have to size up 3 sizes to make it look like bf jeans. Then, I have to belt it like cray.

l8r.

Jaz

Denim-Making Process

Rachel Nguyen, a favorite blogger of mine based in LA made a collaboration with AG jeans which gave her the perks of creating her own denim attire from scratch which is just a dream for me. She documented her journey throughout the entire process and I thought it would be something great to share. It opened my eyes on why on denims are just insanely expensive. It is because the process of making it is fucking expensive hence, I now have a new found appreciation towards denim. Give it a watch. I hope you'll find the content interesting.

Adventure #3: Raya

Selamat hari raya to all of my Muslim friends and to my non-Muslim friends, happy happy holla-daze hosers.

Let us all forgive. Not sure about forgetting though because when someone crossed your line, they tend to remain in your head for quire a long time but the very least we can do is try. And lastly, be safe physically, mentally and sexually.

Ps: I actually prefer Ramadhan than Syawal because I just cannot brave myself for social interaction all day long.

l8r,

Jaz.

I call bullshit: Failures

What is it with failing that scares the shit out of all of us? Isn't it a commonly known fact that as a being, we cannot separate ourselves from failures. But here we are, aggressively opposing this fact. I don't get the stigma. I used to get it but now, after a while, I don't get it anymore.

I've been failing myself and those around me for years now. Not consistently or frequently but in intervals there were failures. And of course, I am not proud of those failures but I learnt from them. And is that not the whole point of life? Learning? I mean, you can get things right for the first time throughout your entire life but if you look at it from a line graph perspective, it will look rather flat won't it? Life is all about that ups and downs that we have. If we have it good all the time, we will lose sight on what "good" actually is since "good" will just be another form of normality in our lives. 

Failures will break you. It will tear you apart and eat you alive. But here is what I learnt from all of those failures that I had to face, there is no breaking me down, there is no tearing me apart and there is eating me alive. I did not realize how strong I was until I was given these unfortunate events to deal with. I did not realize how determined I was to get better. I did not realize how fucking confident I could be when I need to.

Yeah sure, failures will definitely 100% break the fucking crap out of you but they will make you. Failures are the only thing that will make you.

So you failed. Be sorry for yourself for a little while. Cry, scream, punch the fucking wall when it never did anything wrong to you in the first place but then after a while, stop. You know you can get up from this. Even if you think you can't, especially when you think you can't, you can.

I may face another failure on one of my paper. Scared as fuck. But I did my best so if failed, I fail. I just have to re-take it. Although, I hope I don't. A C- would be more than enough for me.

l8r,

Jaz.

New In: The Speakeasy Skateboard

Today marks the end of my second year as a bachelor student. One year to go and reality will hit me real fucking hard. But that is for later. Now, I am going to sleep, binge watch movies, read tons and tons of books and yes, skate til oblivion kicks in.

Yeah, I am taking up skateboarding as a hobby now. As of now, I am still not good at it however, I am very much interested in getting better at it in the foreseeable future hence I don't mind spending a little bit of dollas for this sick board.

I've been thinking of taking up skateboarding for the longest time. It had been on my new year's resolution list (both Western and Islamic calendar) for almost three years but never had I made the effort to actually get at it until my boyfriend bit the bullet and bought a skateboard for himself. I tried it, had the best time of my life and saved up some cash in the bank for this baby the very next month.

I am an absolute noob so it is not my position to review the quality of this skateboard but here is a takeaway from this post, whenever I skate I feel at bliss. There is this air of peacefulness that consumes me whenever I ride and I want that feeling to be within my vicinity whenever and wherever I could possibly need it.

Plus, I think it is important to take up new hobbies no matter how old your are. When people say that you should start ballet at younger age and it is too late for you now, fuck them, ballet the hell away if you want to.

l8r,
Jaz.

Adventure #2: Hide

Rummaged through my phone and found these old photos which I find beautiful. The photos per se. Not me or the scenes in isolation.

Plus, I love how these photos interpret my personality by portraying only parts of myself which is something that I do. So, if you ever think that you know me, think again, you probably don't.

Honestly, it is not that I do not want to open up to people, I just do not want to give people the opportunity to identify my weak spots and attack it. Been there and done that, wouldn't do it again. Ever. Sorry friends.

I hide so I don't get hurt. Self-defense.

l8r,

Jaz

Universe Speak To Me

I just want to share this video.

I find the combination of the cinematography and the song as hauntingly beautiful. Especially the look in her eyes before she was washed out by the rain. Gave me the chills.

Plus, the model is Rachel Nguyen  is just one of the stylish and coolest chic ever. Plus, the fashion it was directed shows that the director, Weston James Palmer , do not only appreciate this song but was totally inspired by it.

Great art needs to be shared.

Enjoy.

l8r,

Jaz.

Word Vomit: On meeting Hana Tajima

So, yeah. Something awesome happened.

Before I begin anything, let's start with a little bit of background shall we? I've been in love Hana Tajima's work for as long as I can remember, which, unfortunately I can't.

Despite the fact that she is overwhelmingly beautiful is not the main reason of me looking up to her. It is her way of interpreting "over the top" fashion in the most subdued way was the first reason of my admiration towards this lady. On top of that, her photography and videography skills are just as simplistic, abstract and mad as she is.

hanatajima.com
(check her out, and if you are anything like me, I promise you, you will not be disappointed.)

But the holy grail of reason that makes my admiration towards her unshaken throughout all of these years is the fact that she does not demand and ask for attention. She just is. She never put herself out there on Instragram, Twitter, Facebook or whatnot. She would vanish from the fabric of the Internet for months and when she comes back, she would come back with a fucking bang.

Hence, Hana Tajima x Uniqlo.

I can't be happier.

l8r,
Jaz.

I call bullshit: My Life Goal, Happiness

Yeah, I have constellations on my forehead.

Hey. I am going to be a little bit self-critical today by analyzing my life goal. Yeah you got that right, not goals, not plural, but goal, as in one goal.

I am a pretty simple homo sapien and the only thing that I want out of this life is happiness hence, my goal. I want to be happy. I want to live happily and I want to die in a happy state. When I am dead, I want people to be happy for my passing and celebrate it with smiles and hugs.

The thing is, anyone can say that their goal is to be happy. It is too generic, too subjective, too child-like and too bullshit-ty? 

Let's begin with the definition of happiness. Ancient historians define happiness as luck or good fortune which is something completely out of grasp from an individual whereas present Americans researchers define happiness as something that one can pursue to increase one's pleasantries in life.  Mathematicians on the other hand modeled formulas to calculate happiness and based on findings, it does seem to reflect the result. So, who is to say which one is true?

Now, let's go into the components that translate into happiness generally; money, power, prestige, love, security, choices, freedom and etc. So, which one of these many components contributes to my own definition of happiness? I don't know.

However, in the end I don't give a rat's ass about researches, data and analysis. As an individual, I know exactly what I am pursuing. Yes, it is an abstract destination where I can never tell the end of it unlike some goals that are more concrete where you aim to have at least RM 100, 000 in you bank account by the age of 23. I don't have that kind of goals and truth to be told, I don't think I want to.

Again, I am pretty simple creature, if I could digest the energy from the sun without ever having to eat, I would do it. After all of the readings that I had read, my goal remains the same, to be happy. I know it is impossible and maybe borderline psychopathic to be happy 24/7 in 365 days. I know where the line is. 

Happiness for me is when I could at least make someone's day better just by making them laugh, it is by listening to what my friends have to say about their lives and share their sadness or happiness. Happiness is when I know that however fucked up I am, my parents will always have my back and my siblings will always keep my secrets from my parents safe within them. Happiness is when I know that the friends that I love, love me back dearly and no matter how distant I am, they will always pick up the phone to contact me first and happiness for me is when my boyfriend knows that I am sick just before I even say hello on the phone.

These, for me, are what happiness actually is. Not what some historians or philosophers said. Not what researches data are translated into and most certainly not formulas that mathematicians meticulously came up with. Maybe they are true but these people tried to narrow down the definition of happiness when happiness in reality is an infinite sensation. A person could be just as happy from gaining a million Ringgit tender as a person who saw snow for the first time. There are no definite terms for happiness thus, there are no definitions at all.

Be happy, people. Don't let society question your definition of happiness. You know what makes you happy so, what the fuck are you waiting for? Make sure you feel happy for at least twice a day.

I spent my high school years resenting myself and now, nobody loves me more that I do. And I am happy. I hope I forever will be.

l8r,

Jaz